&the greying vision

Monday, August 06, 2007 10:22 PM

she's gone.
gone with the wind.
back to the love of God.
no more pain for her.
no more tubes and needles peircing thru her arms resulting in bruise.
hurt was what i could feel.
thou i felt sad.
indeed, i'm sad.
but i have to understand the life, old, sick and death rule in the game of living.
it is part and parcel of life.
i guess she also dint want us to be sad.
frankly speaking, 93 years old is very fortunate.
yet, i cant bear to see her leave.
i felt it was still quite sudden.
last friday.
everything started last friday.
and her agony ended this mid night.
I BLAME MYSELF FOR GOING HOME.
YES, I BLAME MYSELF.
due to my dumb dumb contact lenes.
i was sent home.
i cant stay there.
i cant stay there and accompany her last hour of journey.
I REGRETED.
really regreted.
i guess her only thing that she regreted was,
unable to see her sister the last time.
it was just a few hours.
a few hours that her sister would arrive in singapore.
yet, she cant endure.
during the evening when i visited her,
she was still calling her name.
i know how much she wanted to see her.
we could tell how much she missed her.
but yet, she couldn't endure.

everything happened ytd night.
after visiting her, i went home.
before i could settle down and down anything,
a call came.
everyone rushed down to hospital.
looking at the way she suffered.
everyone broke down.
tears were practically seen one everyone's eyes.
we cried.
she was an adorable grandmother to us.
she was hyper, even when she's old.
however, until now, i might not be able to accept the fact.
probably, being super hyper was a way for me to escape for the reality.
i starting to miss her.

regrets.
my regret was unable to get into ngee ann poly.
it was to be one of my dreams to get into mass comm in np.
it's gone like a bubble.
mass comm, i knew it was impossible to get into it.
np?
i did have a choice.
yet, i gave up for my htm course.
after that, my regret was not joining canoe polo.
looking at how jiner had her training.
bonding with her seniors.
it was so fun.
after the trip to sp for the canoe polo match between np and tp.
somehow, i fell in love with canoe polo.
it's seems to be a fun and great sports to be in.
no, it's not it's seems.
but it is a fun and great sports.
yet i missed the chance.
i will be in love with canoe polo.
i'm so envious of chinger.

bridal show on sunday.
the models were so glam.
thanks everyone.

programs are lining up.
wed- wake in the morning, shopping with cels and yuyi and eileen in the evening, drinking in the night at holland. and nice food too.
thurs- human flag in the afternoon till evening. slacking with haivianas gang in the night.
fri- dinner with o9s!
sat-(hopefully) SUNTANNING + CAFE DEL MAR.
i'm so looking forward!

LOVESS,
`cindyyy

1thing2do3words4you.